With my last pregnancy, people constantly asked if I was having twins. I’m not exaggerating. I went to a Lenz family wedding when I was 17 weeks and Dave’s grandma told me in no uncertain terms, that unless I was having two kids, I had no business looking that big. I’m not going to lie, y’all. I was fat. Like, Kim Kardashian-and-Jessica Simpson-in-a-pregnancy pact fat. Probably because I was sick the whole time and did nothing but eat and work and sleep. But mostly because of the Cherry Limeades from Sonic. But this time, I’m not sick and all the Sonics in my town closed. In fact, they closed right after I had E and started losing weight. Dave thinks I singlehandedly kept two Sonics in business during the years 2010-2011. I would get fat again if it meant they would come back. COME BACK, SONIC.
I gained over 50 pounds.
This time, I’m only 6 lbs over the recommended weight gain for a lady of 32 weeks. I’m still working out. This isn’t because I’m awesome, it’s because I’m newly addicted to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and working out is the only time I get to watch it. Thanks Joss Whedon for helping me fight off this cake that has become my crutch since all my Sonic’s left me!
Also, on a related note: If this baby is a girl I want to name her Willow. Dave says “No.”
I am now, 32 weeks and FINALLY, starting to get fat-called (it’s like being catcalled, except not flattering) in the grocery store, library and even the news studio. So, for your entertainment, here is a list of all the things people have said TO MY FACE in the past three weeks.
1. “Don’t go into labor right now, please. Or just have your water break, then we can get new furniture.” -Local news anchor when I was there to promote Listen to Your Mother: Eastern Iowa. I told him he’d probably get a regional Emmy if he delivered a baby on air.
2. “You better cut in line. You don’t have much time before that baby comes out.” – Lady at grocery store. Also, I cut in line.
3. “Are you due in five minutes?” – Guy at gas station
4. ”You look like you’re gonna blow.” – Old man at the park
5. “Are you sure you should be out, you know, in public, when you’re so far along?” -Target cashier
6. “You make walking look hard.” – Man at Home Depot
7. “May birthdays are wonderful! Enjoy.” -Lady at Kohls. I’m due in July.