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No Pants 2012: Photo Shoot

January 19, 2012 by 773 Comments

I am only two weeks into my resolution not to buy pants for six months and already my resolve is waning. For someone who is so publicly anti-pantite, you’d think this would be easy. It’s not.

Days after I made my resolution, I received an email telling me that I needed to appear in a photo shoot for a new blog, the details of which are shrouded in enormous secrecy so you can rise on the wings of expectations and inevitably crash in despair.

PHOTO SHOOT?!

Those of you who know me, know that fashion is a big part of my life…Exhibit A:

Jingle bell earrings are coming back, y'all!

So, clearly it is very important to me that I look my best. Usually, like with all entitled Americans, I would just hop into my car, head over to the mall and buy something. But I can’t. I CAN’T! The internet would shake it’s head in disappointment.

The rules are no black (seriously?!), no patterns (so there goes my flannel shirt idea) and the theme is “GLAM” (pokes self in eye).

So I picked through my clothes and came up with this tunic that makes me look skinny and I figured I can wear black leggings (that’s fine, right? Because otherwise it’s jeggings and nothing says GLAM like jeggings). Then, spice it up with gold heels and some gold earrings.

What? We make the bed...when my parents come to visit.

This, plus hair the size of Texas and I’m going to work that photo shoot like no other.

Also, I have a confession. I spent money to enter an essay in a contest. In all fairness, the last time I did this I got runner up and the essay was published (hooray!). But, um, there is no budget for this, which only occured to me AFTER I hit “submit.” I’m going to push that it comes out of my small line item for “business expenses”, where my hosting and fake mustache fees come from.

And this week, I felt like I got punched in both eyeballs thanks to my sinuses and my new fear of neti potting, because OMG someone died because their brain was eaten by an amoeba that entered through their nose by way of NETI POT! And Dave totally regrets sending me that story, because now, instead of using the neti pot, I just swallow benedryl and eat mcnuggets.

So…what I’m saying is I already blew through my McNuggets budget for the month. This not spending money thing is hard.

Meanwhile, someone on food stamps reaches through the internet and slams my head into my desk.

 

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