Too Poor for Pinterest

Pinterest has imbued in me a sudden and overwhelming desire to own a sewing machine and purchase my body weight in lace. This connection to my inner Mormon house wife came to a head when I decided to go all out for Ellis’ first birthday party. I assured Dave that everything would be under budget. “I have cheap ideas from Pinterest!”

He grimmaced.

You see, Pinterest is also creating a rift in my marriage. New rules that were never there before have suddenly appeared.

No, I can’t use the table saw. No, I cannot rewire the dining room to hang mason jar pendant lights. No, I cannot purchase 300 helium filled balloons in order to create a balloon wall.

It’s totally unfair.

This is the reason we got rid of HGTV. A few rounds of “House Flippers” and I was convinced we could just knock down a few walls, put up a bunch of hooks and double our home value.

But now, I just spend hours on the internet convincing myself that I do need to spend 5 hours making boxes for my non existent colored pencil collection. My friend Anna confessed that she was considering having a child just to use it as an excuse to try out all the things she’s pinned.

I have a child and I pinned the heck out of her first birthday party.

I had it all planned. A circus theme with tigers, elephants and lions. Clown noses. Popcorn. And then we could DIY cotton candy all I need is this special whisk and the ability to fling melted sugar around my kitchen. What could possibly go wrong?

“No, Lyz, you can’t fling sugar around the kitchen.”

That is what could go wrong. Marriage is a partnership. And while he has no problem with me smearing gelatin and hot milk all over my face because pinterest told me to, he draws the line when it comes to spending hundreds of dollars to create a balloon wall or fling hot sugar all over the kitchen because our baby needs cotton candy, he is not on board.

The night before the party, my sister-in-law Ashley and my sister Becky sat down and spent the next two hours piecing together my Ellis’ balloon garland as I popped enough popcorn to smother a family of rabbits.  I was fuming.

“I wanted this wall of balloons. but Dave told me there was a worldwide helium shortage, so I figured I could just buy a helium tank and cut down on the costs, because when you figure how many birthday parties I’m going to throw, I would save so much money.”

My sister sighed. “This is why I’m glad you’re a writer.”

“Oh?” I said. My mind immediately jumped ahead to a book on the fine art of birthday parties I would write. Of course, I would thank my sister, who gave me the idea in the first place.

“Yeah, because you’re too poor to do half of your crazy ideas.”

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