Nothing but delicious deliciousness after the jump…
This summer, I have dedicated my time to a worthy cause. No, not cancer. Not MS. Not even illiteracy. My cause is pie. Namely, the fight to create the best key lime pie in the whole entire world. In my effort to raise awareness for this worthy, worthy cause, I’ve made five key lime pies, one set of key lime cupcakes and three sets of key lime bars. I am now Dave’s favorite wife. Take that other wives!
I’m not much of a dessert maker. I prefer to just make some bacon and say, “Hooray! Dessert!” While I munch on it after dinner. This doesn’t go over well with Dave, who married me only because I could make pie. I married him because his last name offered me alliteration. Ours is a marriage of convenience.
So, if I make an everyday dessert. It has to be easy. It has to be something that’s delicious. And I live in the Midwest, so that’s usually a bar. Bars…if you don’t know, are basically any cookie or pie baked on a 9×13 and cut into small squares. Presumably because in the Midwest your desserts have to feed your Duggar-like brood of all-American farm hands. I don’t know. I grew up in Texas.
But I loves me a bar.
In my quest for the perfect key lime pie, I’ve learned a few things about cobbling together this gooey limey goodness. So, I turned it into a bar. Now all I have to do is birth 20 more kids and say “BAHgel” instead of “BAYgel” and I’ll be a real Midwesterner. (Note: I’ll never call soda “pop”! You can’t make me!)
So, I made Lyz’s No-Bake Key Lime Bars with COOL WHIP whipped topping. Mostly so I can lick the tub while I wait for the bars to set.
Mix together graham cracker crumbs, butter and sugar and press into the bottom of a greased 9×13 pan. Bake at 350 for approximately 8 minutes or until golden. Let it cool.
While the crust is cooling, start squeezing your key limes. Key limes are small, tart and just lovely. If you can find them, it takes about a pound to produce 1/2 cup of juice. It’s work. But it’s worth it. If you can’t find key limes, find bottled key lime juice. But don’t use plain lime juice. If you do, I’ll have to kill you. It’s like Hammurabi’s code of making key lime bars. Harsh, but necessary.
Mix together cream cheese (make sure it’s room temperature or things will be lumpy), key lime juice, lime gelatin, sweetened condensed milk and half of a 16oz container of COOL WHIP. Save the rest of the COOL WHIP to top your bars, or eat with a spoon. Whatever.
Pour filling onto the crust and let it sit in the fridge for at least an hour. If you can give it three, I’d do that. It sets pretty quickly but you want it chilled. Why? Because I SAID SO. The Dave rates these bars among the best he’s ever had. But he would like to note, he prefers pie. Always.
Let me just stop here to say that squeezing limes is the worst. While I was making a pie last weekend, my hand slipped and knocked a tablespoon of juice out of the cup. I wailed and Dave ran into the kitchen and was all, “DID YOU DIE?!”
“I tipped my juice!”
He sighed. “Get back to squeezing!”
In the right context, this conversation would be less abusive and more sexy. That context? 50 Shades of Grey.
But when we were eating the pie, it was so worth it. The tart fresh taste was better than anything that has ever come out of a bottle. Although, if you have to buy, Nellie & Joe’s is an excellent brand. Mrs. Biddle’s is alright. I haven’t liked any of the other’s we’ve tried, but they’re all better than just straight lime juice. Just don’t. I will hunt you down.
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