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Dress This, Internet!

June 7, 2012 by 735 Comments

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On Monday, a story about No Pants 2012 (wherein I vow not to buy clothes for a year so I can pay down debt), went live on the very fashionable site XOJane.

And Jane readers were not impressed. Well, not with my clothes anyway.

She’s really not selling me on the “don’t buy any clothes” plan with those outfits. That white skirt…!

This article makes me sad. As do the sad clothes with the super-happy smiles. Except for that last black jacket (nice!).

And the sad haircut. Spend some money on your hair, girlfrond.

While we all know that the internet’s parents didn’t love it enough and, as a result, the Internet is forced to take it’s sadness out on poor unsuspecting victims. GIVE ME A HUG INTERNET! In this case, I think they might have a point.

I am not the world’s best dresser. Actually, I could probably win a contest for being the worst. I mean if my outfits were people they’d probably be the love child of Hitler and the Green River Killer. I once wore the same outfit two days in a row and when someone called me on it, she was all, “Oh, at least you washed it.” And I laughed. “Yeah, right, and I’ve totally showered too.”

No I didn’t.

You guys, I wore pajama jeans and I liked it!

I’m just one Mickey Mouse shirt away from being that sweaty mom in the grocery store yelling, “TIMMY WE DON’T NEED ANY MORE FRUIT LOOPS!” And part of the reason I’m doing this challenge is because I realized that I was buying a lot of clothes but had nothing good to show for it.  I wrote that in the post, Internet! Perhaps the Internet has reading comprehension skills brought on by a lack of love. I’m sorry, Internet. I’ll be nicer.

But, even though the Internet is that mean girl from Government class in High School, who got fat and now tries to get her baby to be a model, the Internet is kind of right.

So, here are 53 pieces from my wardrobe. It’s not all of my clothes. I excluded my winter clothes (obviously) a lot of my T-shirts and that one jean skirt I hate. I also left out workout clothes and  my vast collection of Yoga pants. When I die those yoga pants will be part of a museum installation called “The Sadness of Modern Motherhood.”

So here it is.

Do you have ideas for outfit pairings? Or pieces that I should put on the shopping list? Or do you just want to mock my tunics? Go for it.

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