Recently, parents learned a new way they are failing. And no it’s not that you once gave your kid formula or use a pacifier. Parents, we’re on our phones too much.
Apparently, all the modern conveniences of our time aren’t there so we can catch a break, call a friend or even look up a recipe. No, according to the Wall Street Journal, they are there so we can spend more time constantly hovering over our children, in case they, god forbid, move on their own UNSUPERVISED and POSSIBLY BUMP INTO SOMETHING.
Citing this distracted parenting as a modern phenomena, the Wall Street Journal notes, “Is high-tech gadgetry diminishing the ability of adults to give proper supervision to very young children? Faced with an unending litany of newly proclaimed threats to their kids, harried parents might well roll their eyes at this suggestion. But many emergency-room doctors are worried: They see the growing use of hand-held electronic devices as a plausible explanation for the surprising reversal of a long slide in injury rates for young children.”
Using absolutely no studies at all, the Wall Street Journal wants you to know they are completely worried about your kids and you should be too, if only you’d stop Instagramming and be a freaking parent.
My god. Don’t these parents think of the consequences of looking away for a second? What if your kid falls and…I can barely type the words…SCRAPES HIS LEG! I know, right. Don’t you feel like a total jerk now?
We need to get back to the olden days of parenting. When parents were totally there for their kids. Did Ma Ingalls text while she was watching Mary, Laura, Carrie and Grace? No! She encouraged them to gather Buffalo poop in the wide open prairie, while she milked the cows and baked bread and churned butter. Did Pa play on his iPad? If by play on his iPad you mean he tethered baby Grace to the bed in the middle of their dirt house, so he could go feed the livestock on a cold winter’s night. God forbid the stove go out. We lose more babies that way. Amirite, Pa?
Or how about my grandma in the 50s? Do you think she looked away for a second while she lit her cigarette and screamed for my mom to go play outside and not come back for 3 hours? Probably.
And now you modern parents, with all your irresponsible “structured playtime,” “attachment parenting,” and your distracted “helicopter parenting,” you dare to look away for one second while you upload a picture of your daughter to Facebook? For shame.
I think if Americans need to do one thing its make our babies even MORE of a focus of our daily existence.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go put a mirror under my daughter’s nose to check her breathing while she naps. Then, I have to write her an apology note for taking my eyes away from her napping body for the two hours it took to write this. That’s right, two hours. Don’t call DHS.