Leggings with shorts are what smart people wear

Back in January, I gave up clothes shopping for a year. You can read about my journey here and here. This post is part of my effort to reinvent my wardrobe and look good, without being a rabid consumer of cheap crap.

The other day, I bumped into a friend at a coffeeshop and she asked if I was still doing that “No clothes shopping thing?”

I broke down crying.

Yes. YES I AM STILL NOT SHOPPING. And no, I haven’t gotten used to it and whenever I see someone in a fetching top I go dead inside. This is how serial killers are made. The next time I see a Target commercial, I’m just going to snap and start killing people for their clothes. The cops will be all, “This woman was forced to remove her J Crew sweater at gunpoint and then shot! But the killer left her $300 jeans. Look, remains of chicken nuggets were left a the crime scene! MY GOD! WHO DID THIS!?”

But what if the clothes don’t fit? Returns will be tough.

January 1, 2013, I can shop again. So, to bide my time and to prevent homicidal rages, I created a pin board of all the things I want to wear. Yes, there is a Katniss inspired outfit on there. Don’t judge me!

But here is what I would love, if you would suggest your favorite pieces of clothes, trends, wardrobe staples, and tunics that I can wear while I compete in the Hunger Games. You can link them below in the comments or just send me to your Pin boards, or Disqus lets you upload pictures. I need some help, because this is what I wore last week.

Wait? Where are you going? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! Also, that is my basement bathroom. The previous owners painted the concrete floor pink, filled the shower with mold and then sold the house to us.  We would renovate it, but the last time we hung drywall together we almost divorced and that was 6 years ago and we still haven’t recovered. Also, with the results of the recent election, my marriage is already on tenuous ground. I mean, I TRIED to make Dave feel better about losing with these cupcakes, but he just told me I was gloaty and then cried for Karl Rove.

 Wait. He didn’t cry. Dave never cries. Because he feels no emotion except superiority and smartness. He is a rock. An island. His heart is titanium wrapped in razor wire. It doesn’t beat, it CUTS YOU.

Also, I need to tell you something. Along with my friends Heather and Jen from de Novo Alternative Marketing,  we will be bringing Listen to Your Mother to the Eastern Iowa area in May! I want you to audition, or help us, or both! We need sponsors and people who audition and tell other people too (I call them “Peer Pressurers” ). And if you can’t do those things I want you to cease being my friend, you are dead to me.

Just kidding.

(Not really.)

I’m excited. Super excited.  Watch this site for updates! We’ll be launching a site next week.

PS A site I’ve never heard of “nominated” me for a “Most Beautiful Baby Blog” award, which I only get if people VOTE! So I was told to tell my friends to VOTE. VOOOOTTTEEE. I don’t really believe in voting contests because they are just free traffic for the site. Also, “Most Beautiful Baby Blog” have you seen this site’s design? I MADE THE BANNER IN MICROSOFT PAINT! In some countries using paint is a punishment for stealing. But I also secretly love that somebody thought enough of me to nominate me for a scam. It makes my heart so happy.

PPS On an unrelated note, I am a raging narcissist.

PPPS People giving thanks on Facebook every day makes me want to stab November in the eye.


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