When I told my boss I was pregnant with my daughter, she practically gushed. “Pregnancy is a beautiful time,” she said. “It is so magical.” Considering I had to call her in between vomiting sessions, I wasn’t quite sure I believed her. And then, when it was all said and done and my daughter was safely delivered into my arms, I knew: my boss was full of crap.
This pregnancy has been so much easier than my first. I’m not sick. I haven’t gotten too many weird symptoms. I have energy and I’m sleeping, kind of. By which I mean, I still wake up at 4am almost every morning, but with Ellis it was so bad that I welcomed the fussy, postpartum nights, because, at least I could sleep.
I feel great. And yet, I still feel far from the glamorous, life-giving, glitter-farting unicorn that What to Expect When You’re Expecting tells me I am.
Don’t get me wrong. Pregnancy, at best, is an exciting and mysterious time. So many aspects of how pregnancy happens still baffles doctors. We can put probes on Mars, but understanding the female anatomy still dismays and astounds modern science. But most days, pregnancy is confusing, exhausting and alienating. The body I thought I knew suddenly becomes sentient and turns against me. My uterus fights back.
I am grateful. I know this is a gift. After having a miscarriage, I am not taking this for granted. But I’m not going to pretend I’m some sort of magical earth mama. I like pregnancy best when it is over and I’m holding a little baby, wearing giant postpartum pads and crying about poop.
I realize not all moms feel this way. And yes, I am a little jealous of the women who seem to float through pregnancy like they were impregnated by the angels themselves. Me? I clunk through these nine months like my baby daddy is some mix between Chester Cheeto and whatever alien knocked up Sigourney Weaver in that movie.
I am trying to focus on the positives. Like, that I can now air out my back fat and no one will judge because, pregnant. Also, if I eat five donuts, I won’t get the side eye. Also, this is the only time in my life where people tell me how “cute” I look for putting on some extra thigh fat.
And I intend to exploit that for everything that it’s worth.
We leave for vacation tomorrow. So in the meantime, here is some of my writing from the past few weeks.
Discussing “snow plow” parenting on the HuffPost
Saying that being a mom isn’t that hard over on Mom.me
Listing out tips for talking to the pregnants over on Mom.me
And discussing my BFF Princess Kate, also over on Mom.me