When Ellis was little, I decided she would eat what we eat for dinner. If she didn’t like it, well too bad. And then I would serve her the leftovers for lunch. I still do this. Although, now with two kids, dinner is more like, casserole, instead of avocado chicken and watermelon and feta salad. Or, here is your quesadilla while daddy and I scrape leftovers out of this moldy tupperware. But at least in her babyhood, I did everything right. I made her baby food. I did all that baby-led weaning. I didn’t feed her processed Gerber cereal. Now, she’s almost three and regardless of what I put in front of her she wails, “BUT DAT TOO YUCKY!” And I’m like, “It’s macaroni and cheese!” Then she yells, “But it too cheesy for me!”
And then, I disown her because there is no such thing as too much cheese. Ever. I mean, we are Midwesterners. Cheese is a moral value here. Also, I realize that even by talking with my child I fell victim to a classic blunder, the most well-known is this: never get involved in a land-war in Asia. But only slightly less well-known is this: don’t argue with a two-almost-three-year-old.
So, here are some dinner ideas for you. You can thank me later.
Why bother with real food, when you can just smear nutella on bread and say, “Fill up your ham holes!” Bonus points for toasting the bread or actually serving a side of fruit. Oh wait? You actually do that? Do you think you are better than me? LEAVE THIS SITE IMMEDIATELY!
Trust me, it’s all they really want anyway.
You know that soup that you make by throwing chicken in the crockpot along with corn and some taco seasoning and then everyone is supposed to love it? Well, make that and force your kids to eat it. Then, while they are eating it and demanding chips and a napkin, you can sneak Hershey’s Kisses in the kitchen.
4. Shrimp Fettuccine with Spinach
AHAHAHAHAHAAA! Like anyone besides you is going to enjoy this. Plus, by the time you get to sit down to eat it, it will be cold and the small circles of shrimp will remind you of your shriveled dreams.
5. Cheese sticks
Because no one ever said, “Hell no, I don’t like a cheese stick!”
6. Frozen pizza
Bake. Serve. Enjoy the chorus of, “Mmm, mom! Thanks so much for dinner.” Then die on the inside because when you made homemade blueberry muffins earlier that day, your two-year-old cried and said, “But I want chocolate rainbow muffins.” You can never win. Do you know that? You cannot win.
7. Go Out to Eat
Seriously. Just don’t try. Go out to eat. Then, let your kid order whatever they want. Proceed to feel stabby when your kid then orders macaroni and cheese and cries because they brought her macaroni and cheese. But hey, at least you don’t have to do dishes. So, there is that.